motherhood

too tired to write about it

last week was a hard week. i found myself sad and unable to cope with life just about every day. i don't really know what it was. i think it was a combo of a million different things. theft in our neighborhood making me thing about missing items in our house (by someone we trusted?), being overwhelmed by the size and complexity of our house, my housekeepers suck, my best florida friend moved, aidan is a perfectly normal and sometimes unpredictable 2yo and anna is a perfectly normal 4mo wanting me to hold her every second, hormones trying to find balance in my body?

i have wonderful things in my life. my husband (who does laundry, dishes, hugs, kisses and unconditional support) my beautiful and entertaining kids, the ability to stay home with my kids and live in a beautiful home. still, every day last week i wanted to curl up and hide by the end of the day.

i'm making a conscious effort to change this week. i don't need another week like that. adam came home early today and despite aidan crunching cheerios from one end of the house to another i was able to keep it together before then. i read a couple of other blogs where it seemed that last week was a blue one all around so maybe it was just meant to be. let's hope.

this was a scattered ramble, but in an effort to get good rest tonight to set the weekly alignment straight, i am going to sleep instead of trying to fix it.

sunday mornings...

...are all about sleeping in (adam this morning), jiffy corn pancakes, and sweet sixteen on mtv.

yesterday, we hunkered down and watched the entire first season of grey's anatomy. i am absolutely addicted now. season 2 doesn't come out until sept 12. i don't know if i can wait until then.

edited to add:
...and for sitting on the kitchen countertops making out with your husband while the baby sleeps in the swing and the toddler sings in the bathtub.

NEWS FLASH

Anna just rolled back to front for the first time. She's been rolling front to back for a couple of months already. I can't believe raspberries and rolling in one day. Happy 4 months old!

a few things

anna has started blowing raspberries. it is so. damn. cute.

my shoes and camisoles are like crack to Aidan
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last week I was able to get him to wear his own clothes by making him a cape out of scrap fabric
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today, not so, he NEEDED those shoes

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aidan is in love with his great "grampy". we visit and have lunch every time he is in town. it is the highlight of our day.

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anna likes lunch too, and already acts like she runs the place
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i decided to have a little summer fun with the dog. i am still LMAO. adam calls the butt pom-poms UFOs

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i wrote this, one-handed, while wearing my new glasses (photo taken from computer)

eat your veggies...

...in a smoothie. I put a HUGE handful of raw baby spinach leaves in our smoothie tonight with banana, strawberry, blueberry, Monavie (acai berry juice), applejuice and acidophilus and we all LOVED it. We couldn't even tell it was there. I was afraid though and made Adam and Aidan taste it first. I love spinach, I was just afraid of it in my yummy smoothie.

PS. I was nursing Anna today while sitting in a store at the mall and Aidan wanted to nurse. I had him wait, trying to distract him while I nursed Anna but he wouldn't give up. I nursed him right after her. When we left, I said something to Adam about how it was a little uncomfortable for me in the middle of the store with Aidan even though I was very discreet, and do you know what he said? "Why? It was totally okay, there is nothing wrong wiht that." I LOVE HIM!!!!!

What is wrong with us?

Have you seen the new soymilk commercial? The one where the cows are drinking soymilk instead of ::gasp:: cow's milk? And why wouldn't they? Baby humans drink baby cows' milk so soymilk must be a great alternative for cows, right?

What is wrong with us? Why isn't cow's milk the best for baby cows and human milk the best for baby humans? I just don't understand. I'm sure Jamie (I LOVE her)could write a brilliant post about this, or you could read an amazing article in Mothering Magazine about this, but I am just baffled.

I find myself using Aidan's dairy allergy as an excuse with some people as to why I am still nursing him. I wish I could just say that I still nurse him because my milk continues to be the best milk for him. I guess I feel bad in some way and it is really sad. We both still really enjoy our nursing relationship. It is better in many people's eyes for me to stop giving him my milk and give him milk made for another animal instead. How is this better? What is wrong with us?

I almost never nurse him in public anymore. And it is not because he is big. It is because I have Anna and when people see me nursing him, I can see them shocked that I must be nursing both. I would rather have Aidan see people nursing in public than bottle feeding. There was an article in Mothering Magazine this month about how our society needs a BREAST-feeding culture. We are so centered around bottle feeding. I can see changes but it is sad that we are here in the first place and that the changes aren't happening nearly as fast as they should. I guess it took generations to get here and that is what it will take to get back (hopefully).

Aidan

He's resourceful:

He's in love with his daddy:

And he's sweet enough to hold hands with his baby sister while watching a show:

I'm crazy about him. I got my third plugged duct last night and he fixed it right up this morning (after an epsom salt soak and hot compress and a little positioning magic). Thank you Aidan! Now let's have another good day like yesterday.

got yeast?

Wednesday I got my second plugged duct in a month. I was totally sore in between them. Aidan has also had diaper rash. I was able to clear up his diaper rash with acidophilus before I made the connection with my sore nipple. Duh. He also had a small white patch in his mouth that is gone now from the acidophilus. I had been nursing Anna on my other side because of the soreness and her improper latch when my milk lets down and overtakes her, so she has not been showing symptoms. I have nursed her a little on that side at night (**since moving back into our bedroom since her birth, yay!). I am very sore on that one side so I'm getting desperate to get rid of it.

I have been taking acidophilus, grapefruit seed extract, garlic, and flax oil. I have also been doing vinegar solution rinses and grapefruit seed extract rinses after nursing. I'm a little hesitant to doing the anti-fungal cream (it creeps me out a little) so if anyone has inpu there, I'd really appreciate it. Tonight I started the gentian violet. We're having fun with it tonight, although I don't know how long that will be. The kids look so cute with purple faces. My boobs, not so cute. I think it is smiley juice for Anna though because she didn't stop smiling after nursing it all over herself. I wonder what people will think when we go out tomorrow. I think Adam should rub some around his mouth to give some extra humor. LOL!

**we are all in one room now and we absolutely LOVE it. Aidan sleeps on the queen on the floor next to our bed and Adam, Anna and I sleep on the king. So far, so good. I'm just hoping this doesn't lead Aidan to night nursing again.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!!!! We are going to take advantage of Adam's last two days of work shutdown and relax.