motherhood

hanging out

Reflecting

As I sit in bed, typing with Anna asleep in the pouch and Aidan asleep next to me, I feel a great sense of accomplishment and contentment. Adam has worked long hours all week and I have been alone with the kids for three out of four nights. But it hasn't been bad. In fact, it has been great. I have done it, and felt good about myself in the process. No laundry has been done, I only exercised 2 days, I have some sort of cold or sinus crap, and there have been totally exhausting parts of each day, but at the end of the day Anna has screamed and smiled with delight and Aidan has said "I wha you."

Yesterday Adam was home in the morning for corn pancakes and yummy kisses after a 36 hour business trip. While Adam was at a business dinner last night, Aidan and I played airplane while Anna practiced for crawling by her 6mo birthday (a prediction that seems closer to coming true every day) and then we all fell asleep happy and close.

Today I waited for over an hour at the chiropractor's office with Aidan and Anna and then my car got pelted with mud accidentally dumped all over the freeway, but Anna slept instead of screamed all the way home and Aidan actually wore shoes his own size (yellow crocs that have been ruled out of bed at night). Aidan and I enjoyed a car wash from inside the car and he kissed Anna on the forehead while I peed. There is so much joy to be had in life and with my kids.

Life is good. Family relationships are better than they have ever been and I am more in love with my husband every day. Sure, there are stresses and inevitables, but I am enjoying the here and now in my litttle life. Tomorrow is Friday. The weekend and hanging out with my husband are very close. It feels good to be on an up.

Good Night.

it's all good

We've just been hanging out around here, enjoying our days, company, and travel. My mom was here this last week and it was great to have her here to visit with and help out. We had some margaritas and mojitos and I got to scrub some grout that was long overdue. I even painted my toenails.

We went to visit Adam's parents and my mom's in-laws last weekend. Adam drove with Aidan, my mom, and my little brother. I flew with Anna. It worked perfect for me. I hear Aidan got a little mommy-needy but he got through the trip in one piece. I was only away from him 5 hours on Friday and 6 hours on Sunday. I got stuck on the plane for 2 hours during a lightening storm but it felt like vacation as I sat next to a nursing, mother of a 9-month-old, biologist in the front row with plenty of leg room. Even though my flight was only supposed to be an hour and the drive was over 4, Adam beat me home. Most people would have been overtired and pissed. No biggy. It was nice to sit, nurse my baby, and chat with another mom without worrying about keeping track of Aidan.

I haven't been spending much time on the computer and it shows. I have many unanswered emails and blogs to read but I am happy and relaxed. I am going out of my way to stay that way. Anna is sitting alone and turned 5 months old this week. I predict she will be on the move by 6 months. If I help her out she really tries to crawl. She just doesn't have the arm strength yet. I'll try to post some pics in the next week.

Have a good weekend. I'm off to read about dinosaurs with Aidan.

changing the energy

things are much better this week. i've decided to stay in more to realx, get little projects done, and enjoy my kids instead of wish I could have a minute to myself. when we go out every morning, all of my opportunity for alone time with and without aidan is lost. anna will only nap without being held in the mornings, the rest of the day she likes to cuddle, nurse and nap. if we stay in, i can put her in the swing to nap and play with aidan and have time to keep house a little.

adam and i also decided to turn one of our guestrooms into a playroom. the former van gogh room is now a playroom and has dramatically changed to feel of our house. we sent the furniture to consignment wednesday night and moved the toys in before bed. the next day, with the door open and light shining through, the whole energy of the house seemed to have changed. adam and i aren't really into that sort of thing, but we both really felt it. instead of being a locked, unsafe kid room, it is now a bright playroom that really adds funtionality to our house. it is also great to have all the toys out of our family room.

well, i'm going now to finish a pouch i've been working on while anna finishes up her nap and aidan has quiet time instead of a nap.

too tired to write about it

last week was a hard week. i found myself sad and unable to cope with life just about every day. i don't really know what it was. i think it was a combo of a million different things. theft in our neighborhood making me thing about missing items in our house (by someone we trusted?), being overwhelmed by the size and complexity of our house, my housekeepers suck, my best florida friend moved, aidan is a perfectly normal and sometimes unpredictable 2yo and anna is a perfectly normal 4mo wanting me to hold her every second, hormones trying to find balance in my body?

i have wonderful things in my life. my husband (who does laundry, dishes, hugs, kisses and unconditional support) my beautiful and entertaining kids, the ability to stay home with my kids and live in a beautiful home. still, every day last week i wanted to curl up and hide by the end of the day.

i'm making a conscious effort to change this week. i don't need another week like that. adam came home early today and despite aidan crunching cheerios from one end of the house to another i was able to keep it together before then. i read a couple of other blogs where it seemed that last week was a blue one all around so maybe it was just meant to be. let's hope.

this was a scattered ramble, but in an effort to get good rest tonight to set the weekly alignment straight, i am going to sleep instead of trying to fix it.

sunday mornings...

...are all about sleeping in (adam this morning), jiffy corn pancakes, and sweet sixteen on mtv.

yesterday, we hunkered down and watched the entire first season of grey's anatomy. i am absolutely addicted now. season 2 doesn't come out until sept 12. i don't know if i can wait until then.

edited to add:
...and for sitting on the kitchen countertops making out with your husband while the baby sleeps in the swing and the toddler sings in the bathtub.

NEWS FLASH

Anna just rolled back to front for the first time. She's been rolling front to back for a couple of months already. I can't believe raspberries and rolling in one day. Happy 4 months old!

a few things

anna has started blowing raspberries. it is so. damn. cute.

my shoes and camisoles are like crack to Aidan
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last week I was able to get him to wear his own clothes by making him a cape out of scrap fabric
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today, not so, he NEEDED those shoes

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aidan is in love with his great "grampy". we visit and have lunch every time he is in town. it is the highlight of our day.

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anna likes lunch too, and already acts like she runs the place
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i decided to have a little summer fun with the dog. i am still LMAO. adam calls the butt pom-poms UFOs

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i wrote this, one-handed, while wearing my new glasses (photo taken from computer)

eat your veggies...

...in a smoothie. I put a HUGE handful of raw baby spinach leaves in our smoothie tonight with banana, strawberry, blueberry, Monavie (acai berry juice), applejuice and acidophilus and we all LOVED it. We couldn't even tell it was there. I was afraid though and made Adam and Aidan taste it first. I love spinach, I was just afraid of it in my yummy smoothie.

PS. I was nursing Anna today while sitting in a store at the mall and Aidan wanted to nurse. I had him wait, trying to distract him while I nursed Anna but he wouldn't give up. I nursed him right after her. When we left, I said something to Adam about how it was a little uncomfortable for me in the middle of the store with Aidan even though I was very discreet, and do you know what he said? "Why? It was totally okay, there is nothing wrong wiht that." I LOVE HIM!!!!!

What is wrong with us?

Have you seen the new soymilk commercial? The one where the cows are drinking soymilk instead of ::gasp:: cow's milk? And why wouldn't they? Baby humans drink baby cows' milk so soymilk must be a great alternative for cows, right?

What is wrong with us? Why isn't cow's milk the best for baby cows and human milk the best for baby humans? I just don't understand. I'm sure Jamie (I LOVE her)could write a brilliant post about this, or you could read an amazing article in Mothering Magazine about this, but I am just baffled.

I find myself using Aidan's dairy allergy as an excuse with some people as to why I am still nursing him. I wish I could just say that I still nurse him because my milk continues to be the best milk for him. I guess I feel bad in some way and it is really sad. We both still really enjoy our nursing relationship. It is better in many people's eyes for me to stop giving him my milk and give him milk made for another animal instead. How is this better? What is wrong with us?

I almost never nurse him in public anymore. And it is not because he is big. It is because I have Anna and when people see me nursing him, I can see them shocked that I must be nursing both. I would rather have Aidan see people nursing in public than bottle feeding. There was an article in Mothering Magazine this month about how our society needs a BREAST-feeding culture. We are so centered around bottle feeding. I can see changes but it is sad that we are here in the first place and that the changes aren't happening nearly as fast as they should. I guess it took generations to get here and that is what it will take to get back (hopefully).