motherhood

Today (Edited)

Today was much much better. We did laundry, went to the park* (code for: had sweat mixed with sunscreen dripping all over me and Anna in the sling), I worked out (on the elliptical but my T-Tapp DVDs came today) and Aidan even took a late nap. Anna, as always was great (I got some smilling pics today, I'll try to post later). What would I have done if I had her first. Aidan was such a different baby.

Thanks for your comments on the whole spanking issue. I feel a little stupid, but what is the difference between spanking and swatting? I feel the same way about spanking as Amy F. put it (and pretty much what everyone else thought).

*Today at the park I met a "semi-retired," obviously very wealthy dad (45yo?) of and 18mo. Adam, are you reading. Can you be semi-retired and stay home with us. The guy said that his wife was in Atlanta for the day shopping and spa-ing. How freaking nice. Could you imagine? I'd like that part of the equation too. I thought for sure we would win the lotto this weekend (really, I really did). It's weird the people you meet while out.

Edited to add: I am also going for mother od the year. I shut Aidan's finger in the car door today while he came out of no where and tried to "help" me shut the door. It ended up just being the tip of the finger in the crack, but still, he screamed and cried. Then, tonight, while Adam and I were out playing smashball in our driveway, I hit Anna square in the forehead (with the ball not the racket). She was PISSED! No mark though. I better watch myself.

Today was a nightmare.

I know why some people spank. I am trying really hard not to spank but sometimes the urge is very strong. Aidan is two. He is just a little guy. He doesn't need to be spanked. I tell myself this over and over again.

I am going to work really hard to set up the next couple of days to be good for all. Thank god Anna was good today. She has been great for a couple of days (aside from being brilliant all of the time:) ) Aidan has been acting very terribly two. It is not fun to have your child scream at the top of his lungs, crying, and trying to escape the stroller at the mall. It is not fun to tell a child over and over and over again not to pull on the dogs ears. It is not fun to try and help a child with his toys but have him realize he is too frustrated and didn't really want help and throw his toys all over the place. It is not fun for these things to happen over and over and over again all day long.

But he does give good hugs.
And he does like to "hoy-ee" his little sister and give her kisses.
And he does look super cute in my mismatched shoes walking aroind the house.
And he was very nice to the other kids in the play area at the mall.
And he is still my baby.

I keep telling myself these thing over and over again. And I keep asking Adam for hugs.

Any thoughts about spanking?

i just had to write it down

7am-awake
7:30am aidan poops
8:30am nurse anna. 10yo mother's helper (mh) arrives to play w/aidan. i exercise for 20 min while anna watches from her bouncy seat. i get to stretch too.
9:10am get crazy idea to shower but aidan falls while playing and i pick him up to comfort him. i notice he has pooped again. anna starts crying.
9:15 while changing aidan's diaper i notice red painful bum and decide to leave diaper off, anna screams
9:30 aidan wants a bath, i ask mh to give him one and try to comfort anna unsuccessfully.
9:40am get in shower, anna watches from bouncy seat, happy for a minute.
9:43 out of shower, wrap self in towel
9:50 aidan runs in, naked, yelling "poots! poots!." mh comes in after telling me aidan pooped in tub
9:51 i wash aidan in my shower and then dress him, still in my towel. anna screams again. i lock his bathroom door to contain poopy bath, hoping to forget about it.
10am after trying to comfort anna and trying to nurse her i dress quickly.
10:10am load car with stuff to head out for lunch with friend
10:15 anna falls asleep in sling while i'm running around trying to get stuff together
10:20 mh brings aidan in from garage and tells me he was sticking his hands in my car's tailpipe. aidan's hands and arms are black.
10:21 wash aidan's hands and arms in sink but his shorts get wet in the process and he freaks out. i tell him it is okay and load him into the car.
10:30 out of the house, drop off mh on the way to mall for lunch
11:15-12:15 awesome lunch
12:25-1:45 fun looking around fabric store to make new sling, both kids are great. i think i am finally over my bad morning.
2pm aidan falls asleep on our way home
2:30 home and aidan wakes up upon transfer. anna wakes up when car stops moving
2:35 aidan poops again and starts crying "oowie, oowie." i take off his diaper and notice diaper rash much worse. i know wiping would be really bad at this point so i take him to my shower and rinse him off, anna is asleep in the sling during this whole time. aidan screams through the shower.
2:45 i hold aidan while carrying anna in the sling trying to comfort both.
2:50 i lay aidan down to dress him and realize he was clenching his bum so tight i could not get it clean and try to dap it clean with a wipe. he freaks out.
2:55 i offer him a bath to cheer him up and take him upstairs (his bathroom is still locked and poopy) aidan does not like this bathroom option, he cries more
2:56 i offer him a cool toy to pour water with in the tub and he gets in, but when he tries to sit down, he jumps up crying, yelling "oowie, oowie"
3pm i resign to letting him run around naked, after he pees on the floor every five minutes for a half hour (he won't go in the potty) i decide to try his little cotton pajama shorts with no diaper. anna cries on and off though this
4pm we have gone through 4 pairs of shorts

the rest of the day gets a little blurry but adam got home with some supplies and we went though many pairs of training pants and a tube of butt paste. adam made a super cool fort from our sofa and pillows to occupy aidan and get him mind off his bum. adam bleached tub. adam saved the day, even though it continued to be challenging. i went on two walks with anna to soothe her crying. i have no idea what her problem was/is, but she has been really cranky. i want to think it was the shots she got at her 2month check up but it seems to be more than that. i think she might have had a tummy ache, but no poops like aidan's. aidan went to bed after letting adam dress him, anna is asleep on my chest and it has taken me many attempts to get this post finished. time for bed. tomorrow is another day.

Anna's 2 month check up

When our doctor walked in the room, my shirt was pulled up and both Anna and Aidan were nursing. It wasn't exactly how I was hoping to start our visit. While our doctor is supportive of breastfeeding he's not one to push it and I don't think he has ever had a patient tandem nurse before, especially right in front of him. He always tells us the story of the 4 yo nurser he met during his residency and how wild it was to him. I'm not ususally very shy, but tandem nursing in public is a bit touchy for me. Really, I have never done it outside my home before. I laughed and said I was engorged. He laughed and said I was doing double time. When he saw Anna's weight he said "That's what being engorged will do for you."

Here are Anna's stats:
10lbs 4oz (from 6lbs 11oz at birth)
23" long (from 19.25" at birth)
15" head (from 11.75" at birth) (the same size Aidan's head was at birth)

Doing good! And everything is done together these days. As I went to the bathroom this morning I had Anna in the Baby Bjorn and Aidan and Remy were doing laps around my legs. Nice.

Here is how I wrote this post (pic taken from my computer screen). Don't look at me, I still have mascara on from yesterday and have done nothing to improve my looks since waking up this morning. Notice Aidan wearing his "My Mom is one Cool Chick" t-shirt given to us by Ninotchka. She rocks!

Aidan's Allergies

Two weeks ago we had Aidan re-tested for his dairy allergy and also for coconut and sesame. Last year when we tested him he was a 5+ out of 5 on the dairy allergy scale. This year he showed up only mildly allergic at a 1+. I feel like I have won the lottery. We still have to go one more year of dairy-free and test him again and get a negative test before trying a food challenge test, but we have made a HUGE step towards that. It looks like he has a pretty good chance of outgrowing this. He showed up negative to the coconut and sesame. We just introduced eggs into his diet as well and that seems to be going without issues.

I could be eating a piece of cheese or taking a sip of a chocolate malt in a year! Let the countdown begin. (with that attitude, I might be setting myself up for a fall if he isn't negative by then, but I just can't help being optimistic with all the progress we've made. and hey, if we have to refrain for years more I am okay with that too, as long as he is healthy.)

Anna at 2 months

Anna is two months old today. She is the sweetest baby to be around and we absolutely adore her. She started rolling from front to back last weekend at only eight weeks old and has continued all week. Every time I put her on her tummy she rolls right to her back. As a result, she's not very good at tummy time and doesn't really hold her head up high when facing the floor. She does, however, hold her head steady and right when sitting in my lap or being held upright. She also really likes to stand now and can hold her weight for a few seconds before slumping.

She is very happy in the mornings and will have love affairs with the walls, ceilings, fans, whatever she can catch a look at. She smiles often and willingly and sticks her little tongue out when doing so. (Note to self: catch the smiles on camera.) She loves being in the sling during the day but also requires some time to strech out and wiggle on the floor (on her back). She gets a little fussy in the evenings and likes being held in the sling to doze as I bounce or walk. She's brilliant at night and sleeps right next to me.

Aidan is still in love with her and just the other day I caught him lying on top of her trying to give her a big hug. He asks often to hold her ("hoy-ee") and kisses her lots.

My mind at 2 months pp seems to be gone. One of my best friends sent me a beautiful alpaca scarf for my birthday that she bought while on a trip to Equador and when she called to make sure I had gotten it I had no idea what she was talking about even though I had opened and LOVED it. Please forgive me Karrie! My hair has even started falling out. Do you think it is embarassed to belong to such an absent head?

I had an absolutely wonderful Mother's Day. Adam and I both had four generations of family here in our house for the whole weekend. Anna's naming day (a Jewish thing) was on Saturday and we had family come from all over the place. My four generations included my Nana (the Nadine in Anna'a name comes from her), my Mom, Me, and Anna and Aidan. That is four generations of daughters. It was beautiful. Adam's four generations included his grandparents, mother, him, and Anna and Aidan. It was a very special weekend for our family.

I had a great time but the late nights have finally caught up to me and I am tired. I guess it's about time since I had a baby and have yet to feel the effects. Anna, for the most part, is a dream, and although Aidan seems to want to nurse more than she does, he is in love with her. He is definately in the two-year-old school for tantrum and whining, but so far I haven't lost my mind. It has, however, made it very difficult for me to get very much done. Phone calls are rough since I can't hear with children screaming in my ears. I've also got some other stuff going on that makes it hard to stay on top of things. Oh well.

Anna was still in her poop hold-out last week and only pooped yesterday after 9 days. Since then she has pooped three more times so we'll what this week holds.

I hope everyone had a fabulous Mother's Day!

i have workin boobs

in the last pic, I am putting breastmilk in my mom's eye because they have been red and dry and she's been complaining about how painful they are when she wakes up. after hearing me talk about putting breastmilk in Anna's eye to help with her plugged duct gooping a couple of weeks ago, to my surprise she asked me to put some in her eye this morning. she raved all day about how great her eye felt then asked me to dose both eyes for her before going to bed tonight. notice tivo starting lost in the background. love lost.

this post may not last long. i might lose my courage?/insanity?

A little of Aidan at 2

I was a little worried about the way I would feel about Aidan after I held and bonded with my baby girl. I had read and heard that he would seem so big and I might have a hard time feeling like I wanted to give him as much attention or nurse him. While I have set limits on his nursing, I have not felt like I do not want to or felt like he was in the way. He is still my baby, my little boy, and I still get a high from being his mommy.

There is a feeling I get when he nurses sleepy after a nap, or copies my words in his own cute way, or jumps off the sofa and bounces happily in a fun way making us laugh. It is the same empowering feeling I get when I've had a glass of wine or two (I don't know how else to describe it). The feeling like I can lick the world. The feeling that I have the energy and want to do all the little things I've been thinking about, like writing my thank you notes, or sending our nurse a card, or writing Adam a little love note to get before bed. It's a high that feels so good.

At 2 years old he does have little, sometimes big, tantrums. He makes us roll our eyes and feel like he's never going to stop screaming, but he's still so damn cute. He loves to give group hugs. If Adam and I are hugging, he runs up and exclaims "HUD" and opens up his arms. Tonight, Adam gave me a kisss and Aidan ran up after and kissed "mmwwaaaa" to me. It drives me nuts when Anna is (finally) asleep for two seconds in her swing and he stops the swing and pokes at her head and says "baby" while hugging in close. It drives me nuts until I realize how cute he is that he loves her so much. When he wants to hold her he says "hoy-ee" and opens his arms to her.

He's also becomming so independent. This morning we played scrabble before my sister and her beau left for the airport and Aidan played under the table, singing and playing solo. This afternoon, he discovered the Finding Nemo game Adam installed on his computer for his birthday and played while Adam and I relaxed. When Adam went to check on him, he waved his arm, motioning for Adam to leave him in peace to play alone. He loves his computer and can use the mouse like a pro. When we go to the mall, we stop every time at the Mac store so he can play for a few minutes at the kid's station. When I tell him it's time to go, we say goodbye and we leave without a big deal (most times). I've realized that our time is his too and I share it with him. I think that helps him share it with me too.

I've also realized that he really likes to help and to take the time to let him (slowly or messily) do some things. He gets really frustrated sometimes but is usually open to reminders to use his words. He'll be in the middle of a tantrum and start spewing words in his own language to make me understand. I am so in love with him still. It's amazing, but I'm in love with both of my babies. I can't believe Aidan is 2. I really want the chance at more kids, some day, but I feel so complete with Aidan and Anna right now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!

#27

I want Anna to poop for my birthday. She's been going about every 7 days the past couple of weeks. It freaks me out but it comes out like normal breastfed baby poop. We're due and she's been acting like she has a tummy ache so I really want her to just get it done.

Edited to add: